Our Durian Adventure

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durian-fork.jpg

Sarah and I finally got around to trying one of these stinky pieces of shit.  There’s a reason these things have spikes on them.

During the last visit to our local asian market we noticed they carried frozen durian.  I was kind of excited but we didn’t know shit about them and were skeptical of buying one.  So after a few weeks and a little research we knew how to pick one out and felt comfortable taking it on.

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This afternoon we made our trek to the market and I found a beauty in the open cooler instantly.  It fit the description perfectly and was small enough at $1.79/lb. that I wouldn’t feel bad throwing it out if it ended up tasting like an asshole.  A few sniffs at the exposed section of fruit was surprisingly pleasing and not overly shitty at the least. 

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“Maybe I could do this.  It doesn’t smell that bad, kind of good actually”, I thought.  Grabbing it by the netting I headed to the cashier.  Thoughts of her looking at the “bok wai” with a durian raced through my head but she didn’t express any interest in what I was purchasing.  After ringing out I got back to the car, gently placed it in the trunk and we headed home. 

Thankfully today was beautiful.  The past few weeks have been really cold and wet so the sunny 55 degree day was perfect outdoor durian weather.  I grabbed a chef knife and got to hacking that bitch open on our deck.  As I was cutting it the sun was beating down on the open flesh accelerating the funk.  It was almost thawed out by the time I got it split in half.  After convincing Sarah to let me bring it inside for some photos we got the forks and picked out our first bites.

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Sarah decided to go first.  She had been rushing me the whole time knowing that the fruit would only get stinkier the longer it sat out.  We walked out to our deck and quickly ran through the vomit evacuation plan.  She was standing near the ledge and would be able to just turn her head and barf.  She took the first bite gracefully and remarked, “it’s really not that bad”.  A wave of relief hit me as it was my turn.

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I took the durian like I would an oyster, shot-style.  It really wasn’t that bad.  Kind of pleasant actually.  Sarah went back for seconds and was chewing it like bubble gum.  OK, I can do this.

Fuck that.

I ran out to our deck and spit out not just the durian but every drop of moisture in my mouth.  It was appalling.  My dude JP said “it’s like somewhere between raw onion and vanilla pudding with a hint of skunk”.  Right on the money.

Just because this experience wasn’t the best for me doesn’t mean I’m giving up on them.  The same thing happened with the Big MacChicken, I fell and got back up.  We called one of the bubble tea shops around our house to see if they had a durian flavor but they don’t.  Maybe some durian pastries? 

After all this I’m glad I did it and would really like to try one fresh.

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13 Responses to “Our Durian Adventure”

  1. Syd Says:

    Aren’t these things forbidden in some places, because of the stink?

    No way am I that brave. Kudos.

  2. CeePee Says:

    ive always wanted to eat these shits.
    Try Custard fruit (if you can find it), its fucking strange (no better adjective)

  3. Soul Korea Says:

    damn dude. that looks like a sea urchin or something! uni is probably better than this, it sounds like (and I HATE uni).

  4. MF Grocery Says:

    S/K- If an onion had an asshole I just ate it.

  5. jd Says:

    if i had to have a cancerous kidney removed, i imagine that, if bisected, it would look exactly like the above.

  6. Paul Says:

    In Vietnam they have durian ice cream. Really not that bad and the smell is mostly gone, but still not worth trying.

  7. Jon L Says:

    I once saw a guy escorted out of a hotel for trying to hide one in his room…the taste is not THAT bad…

  8. MF Grocery Says:

    Like I said in the post my wife liked it. I can’t fuck with stinky cheeses (she can) so maybe that’s why I couldn’t get down with the durian. It smelled good when frozen but the funk exponentially multiplied to assness.

  9. Lisa Says:

    Dude, this post makes me so hungry. I LOVE durian. LOVE LOVE LOVE IT. Sweet buttery goodness….

    BTW – Thanks for the blog and the laughs 😀

  10. someone Says:

    try lao lien tso if you go to dim sum. it’s durian pastry that’s really quite good. fresh durian is stinky as hell, but doesn’t taste horrible.

  11. juliesrawambition Says:

    I will never buy one again. I swear the damn thing took over my kitchen for 24 hours. I tried to put it in a smoothie which totally ruined it. Then I dumped the leftover pieces into a ziploc bag before putting it in the outside garbage to try and contain the smell. I could still smell remnants of it for a whole other day after. Give me seaweed or raw oysters any day, durians? Thailand can keep ’em.

  12. MF Grocery Says:

    The only good thing that came from the durian was when I wrapped up the scraps in an old plastic supermarket bag and wandered around looking for a place to dispose of it because it sure as fuck wasn’t going into my trash can. I drove around for a bit and found a lonely trash can sitting right next to the entrance of an Auto Zone. That fucking trash can was going to sit in the sun all day and build up a nasty hate cloud of natural gas so I got out of my car, tossed it in the can and laughed all the way home.

  13. chloe Says:

    My friend and I went to a bubble tea place, and they had durian flavor. She was able to stomach it–I had a hard time living with the aftertaste. We both agreed that it tasted like a raw onion, and it shouldn’t be combined in a shake but rather cooked with meat like a stirfry.

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