Bacon Dog That Hoe

by

Bacon Dog Cart

Some people probably know about these joints but for those of you who live in a world of sucks I present you with the Bacon Dog.

Bacon Dog

As far as I know the legend of the Bacon Dog cart began in LA. They have since migrated north to San Francisco which is where I was first introduced to this whole grail of drunk eats. I had spent a majority of my evening in some fucking Chad filled bar in the Mission when we decided escape and find a bar filled with kids who discovered punk rock in a mall. It was during this venture into the sucks that the sweet smells of angels came down from the heavens and let me know that all was not lost. It was the smell of hot fucking bacon, I didn’t know where the fuck it was coming from but I knew I had to find it. I followed that smell for two blocks until I came to a shitty fucking cart that had a cookie sheet on top heated by a propane torch underneath with a bacon wrapped hotdog sizzling away in the middle.

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The set up is pretty easy and carts vary depending on who’s running it and how grimey they are willing to be. I’ve seen some real cutty carts and some people are scared but man bacon dogs aint never done be wrong. Well maybe a little bit of reflux in the middle of the night but thats the price you pay to roll like a boss. Anyways the carts are usually metal but I’ve seen wood and plastic. Generally the grill is just a cookie sheet placed on top. This works because it’s cheap to replace after your propane torch melts the piece of shit and when you can’t scrap the bacon burns off the top anymore. The Delicious carts by far have the best carts, doesn’t mean best bacon dogs but if you like chain restaurants because you need corporate framed familiarity to create a false sense of trust then that’s your best option. I have found that bacon dog carts surrounded by drunk Salvadorans calling the drunk chads maricons and spitting spanish game to any pussy that walks by to be a sign of a reputable bacon dog cart.

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As you can see there is a system in place. Now the cart above is obviously preparing for the let out and the rush of drunks that will flood their cart. I knew the deal and bailed early to make sure I got a fresh bacon dog, not a precooked. Generally these dudes line their bacondogs in a row to left of the center. The idea is that they slowly warm off on the side but are then brought to the middle where the concentration of heat is to cook in bacon grease. Most carts will have a mountain of onions just to the right of the grease pit and drop them in to grill quickly. After you order your bacon dog they will throw a bun on and toast it in the grease. Everything that is happening is fucking spellbinding and when you’re on the edge of blacking out watching this delicate ballet of bacon sizzle just brings your brain back because it is powerless against the pure magic of the bacon dog cart.

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As far as condiments go you got your standard options, ketchup, mustard, mayo and pickled jalapenos. If the dude has relish or some other bullshit just walk away son, that shit don’t have no business around a burnt cookie sheet. Personally I like to go with mustard, ketchup and extra jalapenos. Mayo’s alright I guess but I don’t need that shit. Some spots also have red and green peppers but that shit is rare in the bacon dog game. Besides you don’t needs that shit fogging up the power of the bacon dog.

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The future of the Bacon Dog is in jeopardy though. At least in LA. Apparently according to California’s bitchmade health codes they require hot dogs to be steamed or boiled. The grilling of the bacon dog makes them illegal. In LA’s fashion district they have actually inforced this bullshit concept to a degree. This threat to the legacy needs to be deaded because fucking bullshit.

if some of this doesn’t make sense, sorry I wrote this when I was drinking, each sentence probably got typed like 3 times.

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16 Responses to “Bacon Dog That Hoe”

  1. demosthenes.or.locke Says:

    It makes no sense but I still want to eat a bacon dog

  2. MF Grocery Says:

    Proofreading is for sucks.

  3. GL Says:

    I’m still drunk from last night and it made perfect sense. Now I’m hungry.

  4. Ryan B Says:

    The Dj gigs are not really pulling in that “side-money” anymore. This looks like something I could do!

  5. theeecasualmale Says:

    My first and only experience with a bacon dog…

    It was Saturday October 27, 2007 and I was in San Francisco at a MSTRKRFT show with Serg, his lovely lady Stef, and Prety Jeffy. Serg got overstiumulated within 30 seconds of walking into the venue. There was a DJ on stage he wanted to punch, another DJ on stage he wanted to punch, and lots of flashing lights and electronic music. He kept yelling THE RAVE IS OVER!!! THE RAVE IS OVER!!!

    Every time the door opened, a delicious scent wafted through the room. Serg eventually yelled out something to the effect of CRANK THAT BACON DOG! and disappeared. I finished watching MSTRKRFT do their thing (which involved a group of golden hockey mask and bikini-clad girls dancing on stage) and then joined him outside.

    We saw some dude with hella freckles on his arm and Serg started chanting CRANK THAT FRECKLE DOG! YUUUUUUUA CRANK THAT FRECKLE DOG! and then showed me the bacon dog cart. My visual memories are exactly what you see in the photos above. These things were mad cheap too – like $2 each. I got one and it was delicious. Crispy bacon, perfectly grilled bun and perfectly grilled dog with a nice snap to it. Soggy buns and steamy dogs are a no-no.

  6. MF Grocery Says:

    I really need to get out west. Serg- we should do this.

  7. MF Grocery Says:

    If you google “a game where you can own a hoe” and go to the second or third page there is a link to this post.

    Someone actually clicked it to get here.

  8. The Mayor Says:

    I ate one of these in a drunken fury on Folsom and 8th st last saturday. I could smell them from my hotel room and went on a mission.

  9. Critical Mass Says:

    Just to add a little diversity….

    I am from Washington State and 5 years ago moved to Tucson AZ. One night some of my buddies were all for shits about getting me a Sonoran Dog. These guys were batshit over em and after drinking for several hours we headed to “the Place”. Well I am expecting some brick and mortar “place”. Nope, it was some old rickety wooden cart that was on the side of the road out in the middle of the bars and the local Yavapai Indian casino. We pull in and one of my boys orders for us (they do not speak English there) What I get is pure Drunken Heaven! Bacon dog, with Jalapenos, cheese slices, onions, mayo (could have done without) and pinto beans wrapped in a bun. This post reminded me of my first time. Also love your blog!

  10. Bill Cosby Says:

    began in LA? naw, me and my son theo came up with that shit a long time ago

  11. Jayou Ayen Says:

    They call them shits “dogos” in Mexico.

    39

  12. Mizchelle Says:

    Tijuana baby – TJ has the best bacon onion mayo dogs at 3 am – at least they did back in 1992.

  13. Doc Says:

    they are also called Sonoran dogs and have been around for as long a I can remember in Tucson, at least 30 years

  14. Citer Says:

    Mizchelle Says:
    June 30, 2008 at 3:22 pm

    Tijuana baby – TJ has the best bacon onion mayo dogs at 3 am – at least they did back in 1992.
    TRUTH!

  15. Cheap Hotel Prices Says:

    Booking as far in advance as possible has really saved me money.

  16. internet hizmetleri Says:

    Really nice, thank you for information.

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