Your Hummus Sucks



A few years ago my employer held a cocktail hour at Mihalis Chophouse.  The event took place immediately after one of our big company events and it was supposed to be a show of gratitude for all of the hard work we put in that year.  So I stood around drinking free cognacs for a while and noticed some of the employees grazing on appetizers.  After a quick look at the menu I ordered the hummus plate because I wasn’t paying for shit.

 It was delicious.  The pita chips served with the dip were warm and dusted with a cumin-based rub.  Feta cheese sat next to the pools of drizzled olive oil and tomato slices.  It all worked.

Ever since that cocktail hour I’ve tried a few hummus recipes and store bought product but none have came close to the perfection that was achieved that day except one.

Here’s my hummus recipe that makes yours taste like ass:

2 cans garbanzo beans, drained and rinsed
Juice of 1 small lemon
2 tbsp tahini
3 tbsp freshly ground cumin
Extra virgin olive oil

Add garbanzo beans, tahini, lemon juice and cumin to food processor and blend while drizzling in olive oil until you reach the desired consistency.  If you are being a pussy then substitute water for some of the olive oil but absolutely no more than half of it.

To serve: warm greek flatbread in cast iron pan and top with hummus, fresh greens (arugula is the bomb!), feta cheese, cherry tomatoes and a few drizzles of sriracha.  Add a few strips of grilled/rotisserie chicken or falafel patties for an amazing sandwich, like this motherfucker pictured below:





The secret is the sriracha.  Don’t go fucking around and forget to add it.  Trust- we’ve been eating these shits practically every night for the last week.


8 Responses to “Your Hummus Sucks”

  1. Tim Domestique Says:

    “The secret is the sriracha. Don’t go fucking around and forget to add it.”

    These are words to live by, in all parts of life.

  2. diane Says:

    another option if you’re trying to cut the oil (which i also do not recommend) is using the liquid from the garbanzo beans instead of plain water.


  3. MF Grocery Says:

    I fucked with that for a while. One time I just got lazy and just poured the beans out into a strainer in the sink because I didn’t want to clean another bowl. It didn’t really taste different using straight up water but yeah, you’re right.

  4. mattbrains Says:

    I’ve done this with 2 pieces of naan, hummus, shrimp, and green onion. Turned out really good. sriracha is the best on everything.

  5. JT Says:

    Sriracha… How I ever lived without it is a mystery.

    P.S. It is about time you posted. I been sittin here all laid off at work… and now that I have little to nothing to do, you stop providing me with fine reading materials and pictures to fantasize about.

    I’m thinkin about doin your ‘Luther Burger’ as I described it to you at work…
    White Castle Burger (I’m thinkin Double Bacon w/ Cheese), replace outer buns with Krispy Kreme donut. I’ll take some pics if I ever get around to it and send you the low-down.

  6. Devlyn Says:

    Gotta love the cock sauce. I actually just made hummus last weekend. You forgot the garlic, yo. And I actually add some sriracha directly to the hummus, *and* put some on top, but that’s because I like things spicy. Dig.

  7. GreenLightJerky Says:

    Damn that recipe looks good!
    Im tryin that soon.

    MF Grocery, contact me via email please.

  8. Alex Ha Says:

    sriracha is the best…

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