So yesterday I was chillin at this baby shower jump off in Oakland. It was cool, neo-soul/lite rap was being played for the people who aren’t comfortable with rap music or just fucking bitchmade. There was a taco bar, sangria, wine and a keg. Laid back saturday in the east bay kicking it with folks. At some point a whole squadron of hung over drunks came through and their leader, a man we call Thuggy, brought me a bag full of Chick-Fil-A. Apparently within the confines of Gurp City Chick-Fil-A is a well known delicacy that brings them much delight. When I think of Chick-Fil-A I think a dumb fuck franchise that loves bitchass jesus bullshit so fucking much they won’t open on Sundays because they got a fucking superwalmart dream of patriotic horseshit to live up too.
Anyways the point is that Thuggy walks up to me and hands me a greasy white paper bag and says “chick-fil-a tacos are going down! put that shit on groceryeats” So here we are and I have photos of shitty tortillas wrapped around mediocre pieces of fried chicken and sauce.
As can be seen below there are numerous condiments to choose from. Chick-Fil-A wants your choice of flavors to be limitless when it comes to complimenting your shitty nuggets.
The first of the tacos. The construction is quite simple for this one. 4 pieces of chicken with little bit of Polynesian sauce for sweetness, some chedder cheese and a dollop of guacamole. I considered beans but I wanted to keep it simple, rustic flavors are what I’m about with this taco.
The taste was odd, a taco with a good amount of crunch with the slight tang of Polynesmole and cheese. The lukewarm tortilla was not doing me any favors either as flavor or as construction.
For the following taco I just decided to go with a megamix of condiments. Everything in the bag. I started with covering 3 chicken pieces with a base of Tabasco sauce, which by the way fucking sucks. Fuck vinegar based hot sauces, that shit is just water and red bullshit. Then I added some mustard and mayonnaise which still was fuckwithable since we were still within the range of a hotdog. I poured on the polynesian sauce which some found suspect but I wanted everything on there. Followed that with barbecue sauce and a coating of buttermilk ranch dressing. I sprinkled some cheese on there and decided that was it. I didn’t want guacemole on it because I wanted to keep it within the Chick-Fil-A flavor profile.
This one was really weird tasting. You had the crunchiness of the chicken, sweetness of the polyensian sauce blending with the barbecue sauce which had some sweetness of it’s own already. Then there was the weird combinations of tang from the mustard/mayo/ranch dressing of crap. The cheese was kind of a binder unifying all these weird flavors together. The strangest thing was the slight burn afterwards from the Tabasco and barbecue sauce. It wasn’t spicy or anything just like the taco was leaving you a hot breath of flavor.
So yeah that’s it, yesterday I ate dumb shit to make my friend smile and now it’s on the internet to benefit no one.