Torta Cubana


For lunch I decided to finally stop by this Taco Truck over in Potrero Hill. I’d seen it but the name threw me off, Liz & Gaby. I just imagined some old lesbian couple running the shit, I’m talking like grey haired buzz cuts, wear crocs, and ride harleys. You know, Liz and Gaby, after their trip to mexico where they bought wooden dolls and went on hikes for a Teva experience. Well they decided to open their own taco truck. Problem is they can’t cook, so inside of the truck we have to latino dudes and no old lesbian couples to be found.

Anyways, moving along I rolled up expecting to grab some tacos and then I saw the menu and they had a “Cubana Torta.” This fucking thing had milanese, ham, and sausage. Three kinds of meat? Oh man I debated cause it was lunch and I had to go back to work. I said fuck it and ordered it. Few minutes later a fucking massive block of tinfoil showed up in the plexiglass window.

Now as can be seen here things are not as the menu described. The “sausage” was just some fucking hot dogs cut up. I thought I was getting a pressed torta, hence the whole cuban torta flip. Turns out that was just a reason for them to put some fried ham up in there. Then there is the breaded beef, the milanese, that shit could have benefited from some fucking small attempt at seasoning. The sandwich was goddamn massive though. That photo was taken at the half way point, which at that point is about as big as a regular torta anywhere else.  I wasn’t sure if I was ready to go to war with a torta at lunch but I figured fuck it, I’m not loosing to some fucking hot dogs just cause it’s noon on a wednesday.

It was an interesting torta, probably could have benefited from some salsa. I think if the milanese was better and this thing had some real sausage it could be pretty fucking bad ass. The ham was kind of useless in there. I’m not a fan of big sliced tomatoes in tortas, fucking dice that shit. Tortas get mushy and sliced tomatoes are like slip n slides to the beans and bread.

If you want a brick of mediocre sandwich holler at Liz & Gaby, they got bland and big on lock at 18th and Carolina.

18 Responses to “Torta Cubana”

  1. infamouse Says:

    The whole thing just sounds wrong. Hot dogs and bacon? Really? For a cubano torta you’d expect straight jamon, queso and a whole lot of pulled pork. Good review, though.

    What’s up with Hard As F*ck volume III?

  2. SergDun Says:

    hard as fuck 4 is being mastered right now, artwork and mix are done. just finishing up some shit with the levels and then I’m going to drop that motherfucker. Matthew Africa on the cut this time. It goes hard as a motherfucker!

  3. Gus Cutty Says:

    Check out Puquitos on Geary and Larkin, they got the same thang but much tastier, shit is still heavy as fuck though and I dare not eat more than one a month. A true Cuban with pickles and pressed cuban bread are one of my favorite thangs in the world though.

  4. Thur31 Says:

    “I’m not loosing”

    You may want to learn how to spell before you open your mouth and talk shit.

  5. Jon Says:

    Don’t be mad because he dogged your lesbian granny’s taco truck….maybe she should stick to the vertical ones, dingleberry.

  6. Gus Cutty Says:

    oh man, thats good stuff

  7. Richardy Says:

    Damn. I really don’t think an improper spelling impairs your ability to know a good torta from a bad one, let alone dominate cut up hot-dogs on a Wednesday.

  8. SergDun Says:

    you’re seriously trying to come at me with a fucking typo? Sorry doggie but I don’t give a fuck about a typo, I got better things to worry about. If you’re stupid enough to think an extra o just fucks up your whole internet experience then you’d be advised to take your softhands elsewhere. I’m sure that shitty tortas all over the world are proud of you standing up for them but you need something better to stand on that typos.

  9. MF Grocery Says:


  10. Kyle Says:

    THIS is a torta cubana. Shit.

  11. mattbrains Says:

    This reminds me of the chilli, bacon, beef jerky dogs I had the other night. tragic.

  12. SergDun Says:

    “THIS is a torta cubana. Shit.”

    See THAT looks good, the idea is great. Liz and Gaby just couldn’t execute.

  13. JT Says:

    “THIS is a torta cubana. Shit.”
    – I’m sitting in my cube hungry… saw that and shot up to STARVING.

    “They got bland and big on lock…”

  14. seriouzdanger Says:

    I have a great idea for a recipe… I semi tried it and it’s great tasting… Who do I contact????

  15. SergDun Says:

    holler at the man himself

  16. T Shane Says:

    I’m looking at one of these on my desk right now. I Googled that shit to see if it was authentic and I found this page. I’m not a big fan of this concoction and your description is spot on. Glad they were out of tomatoes today. Oh, and $8.50 for a glorified hot dog??? Thanks to Kyle for the link above.

  17. JDS Says:

    8 F-bombs to describe 1 mediocre sandwich ….REALLY?

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