Tamale Day

by


Oh man I don’t give a fuck about the holidays. Christmas is worthless jesus shit for kids, thanksgiving is a celebration of bullshit too. This time of year just sucks because my tv wants to sell me on snowglobes full of lies. The only thing I actually like about the holidays is fucking Tamale Day, it’s the best shit in the world. I don’t know how you can go wrong with it. Get your friends together, a lot of beer, masa and multiple tubs of pork fat. How can that not be a success?

This is the 5th tamale day we’ve done and I think we’ve got the game on lock right now. Really if you’re trying to fuck with my tamale skills you’re gonna get served like the bitch you are. This year we had some ridiculous shit going down too.

Once again I did a beef filling this year, Elias handled his red pork, Lydia did her citrus pork and Miro came through with the chile verde chicken. Swayzee brought his sweet potato and black bean filling which is probably the best thing we’ve done for veggie tamales. Miro also brought his sauces again this year which was nice, those were missing last year due to his monthly colds. This year we decided to experiment a little so Lydia came up with the idea to flavor some masa with smoked jalapenos and bacon then use pepper jack cheese as the filling. Those joints were crazy delicious. Straight up amazing.

I had an idea to fuck with some chicharron tamales, it was kind of scary. I figured that all the steaming would break down the chicharron and make it super tender. I still wanted to pair it with something and when I remembered I had some smoked gouda chilling in my fridge I decided that it was gonna be on as fuck. When we pulled them out of the steamer and I knew I was fucking brilliant for making that move, those joints were my favorite ones. With some of miro’s pipian sauce the shit as game over. I should have gotten some photos of them but by the time I thought to grab my camera they were all eaten. Next year I’ll have to make more.

This year we used Elias’ house for the festivities again. His stove is weak as fuck but there is enough room in the kitchen to have a productive assembly line. This also allows us to yell and abuse all the non latinos who are being forced to roll tamales. Man if you are ever thinking of making tamale and are looking for video footage to learn how to roll do not look at anything on youtube. That shit is straight up garbage. I checked it because we wanted to prep all these rookies on proper technique but that shit is an insult to tamale rolling. Fucking half ass Chicanas rolling bitch ass cigarillo looking tamales or fucking bullshit spreads. The worst though was this dumb ass white lady rolling this foul ass bullshit in ALUMINUM FOIL!! COME ON BITCH GET LEARNED! I understand central america loves banana leaves and I’ll even let that bama ass parchment paper tamale bastardization bullshit fly but a fucking tostada wrapped in aluminum foil is not a goddamn tamale.


Seriously, fuck that bullshit.

Anyways this year we even had people djing. Considering how many of my friends are djs it just made sense. Gpek set up his turntables and anyone who wanted to play could. Gpek, Stef, Dj Fat Mexican, Matthew Africa and B.Cause all got down. B.cause even did an all Willie D set as per Elias’ request. I don’t know about you but hearing Balded Headed Hoes and drinking shit tons of Negro Modelo really gives me that holiday cheer.

I don’t know what our final count was this year but we were really productive and I estimate that we made at least 300 tamales. Everyone got to take some home which is always nice.

Towards the end of the night things got a little maney. Almost everyone had left and we were just hanging out and drinking when someone asked me what the big white cooking appliance on the counter was. I informed them that it was my deep fryer (I brought it so Lydia could make some sopas). It was at that point that I just yelled “lets deep fry some tamales.” So I grabbed one of Swayze’s sweet potato joints and tossed that shit in.





This was easily on of the best ideas I’ve ever had. Especially with the sweet potato and black bean tamales. If you’ve ever had sweet potato fries you know how awesome those can be. This was basically a crispy corn dough surrounding delicious fried sweet potato bits. Shit was brilliant.

After that though we kind of started throwing everything in there. Elias brought out a can of cookie dough so naturally that went in the fryer. I know this sounds brilliant but the reality is that the cookie dough doesn’t hold up in the fryer. It fucking disintegrated when it hit the oil. So we had a ball of fried dough surrounded by a lake of fried batter and melted chocolate.

Because we couldn’t eat a fried cookie, I grabbed some bunuelitos and scooped some up and ate it. That shit was unbelievably good. Then Elias broke out some vanilla ice cream and just took it to a whole different level of delicious. That shit could have been the best thing I’ve ever eaten. Just think about it, a chip of fried masa covered in cinnimon and suger syrup topped with deep fried chocolate chips and then topped with vanilla ice cream. dude. it was the shit.

I didn’t get a photo of it with ice cream but whatever that’s just a taste. We followed that up by deep frying a serrano chile because at that point my friend Kyle just wanted to fry anything he saw. I didn’t have any of that action because I needed some sanity. That didn’t last too long though because Elias broke out the Rum Balls Eddie K brought and because we never do anything smart it was decided that those would also go in the deep fryer also. I have never experienced anything quite like eating a deep fried ball of liquor.

Deep Fried Rum Ball with Vanilla Ice Cream on top. FUCK!

at some point I needed chiles so I asked Alan to go to the store. He went to the wrong store and came back with moldy fucking jalapenos. thanks alan.


chicharon and smoked gouda

dj b.cause

Elias and bacon jalapeno masa

On some Town shit

chicharron nuggets

Lard

dj stef

tamales

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24 Responses to “Tamale Day”

  1. JT Says:

    Fuckin-A! I was just watching “Top 10 Holiday Towns” on HGTV and they started yappin about Christmas tamales. I looked across the room at Sandy and said “I want some ma’fuckin Christmas Tamales… what the fuck?” Then, what happens? I log on and read this joint which made my day. I need to get some notes on makin tamales… Never done it and I feel it is now an imperative mission.

  2. Richardy Says:

    I am so fucking hungry right now

  3. adub Says:

    how the fuck can i get some SALSO shipped me in texas. NEED/WANT.

  4. R Says:

    epic, epic post. read it right before lunch, too. now i’ve gotta get my grub on.

  5. CM Says:

    The only thing that could make this post better is DJ Stef spinning records topless.

  6. maxonemillion Says:

    Best time I had in a while, best food I had in a while, best DJs I heard in a while, and I’ve been livin’ off fuckin’ awesome tamales since Saturday (my stash is getting low!). So so so dope. Thanks Serg!

  7. dMullins Says:

    Too fuckin’ real.

  8. MF Grocery Says:

    Yo MTV Raps trading cards FTW! Yo Serg- planning a trip to SF soon. Holler!!!!

  9. SergDun Says:

    do it up man and we’ll do it up proper. dranks will be drank, foodies will be murdered and rap music will be angry.

  10. SergDun Says:

    oh and regarding this

    “The only thing that could make this post better is DJ Stef spinning records topless.”

    that’s my wife so I doubt you’re ever going to see that shit.

  11. Salso | Changing the Salsa Game » Blog Archive » Salso Gets it’s First Press Says:

    […] debut at SergDun’s annual Tamale Day last weekend. A full recap of the event can be found at http://www.groceryeats.com. In short, a bunch of knuckle heads got together and with the guidance of Mexican Overseers, made […]

  12. CeePee Says:

    fucking unbelieveable, looks killer.
    glad terminator x could make an appearance.

  13. MF Grocery Says:

    “I doubt”

    Hilarious

  14. avisualperson Says:

    yo that is a gangster-ass party. shit. fuck.

  15. dole Says:

    i think we need to schedule a tamale day of our own. and i also had that T-X card a lifetime ago.

  16. Hillary Says:

    Dude.
    Send me the recipe and some tamales ASAP! They look GOOD!

  17. Comic Says:

    Damn, now I want to know how to roll a fucking tamale the right way. Not that I did that cheap aluminum foil shit.

  18. Ken Says:

    Was enjoying the website until the ‘f_ _ _ _ _ _ g Jesus” line.

    You lost me you dumb ass wet fuck.

  19. SergDun Says:

    sorry dude but I don’t believe in the fantasy that is any religion. Other posters on this site might believe in god or whatever but I think it’s a ridiculous concept.

  20. noel trujillo Says:

    who cares if he’s down with religion or not, fool can make some mother fucking tamales! step off.

    So this post has inspired me to finally make tamales. My grandmother is getting pretty old, might not make it through this year and I’m making her ass who never learned to make tamales from her mom before she passed, learn how to make them with me. I know its not going to be the best this first time around….but having her and her grandsons sit side by side and roll some tamales together will be a great memory. I’m most def gonna do the sweet potato and black bean ones, that sounds baller, and chicken and beef fo sho.

    So thanks for my ass in gear and making this happen. I’ll come by and comment again after the weekend.

  21. New Discovery! - Noelove Cooks Says:

    […] reading his whole site I’ve decided that I will take on the task of making Tamales. This post really sold me. I do want to drink beer while making tamales but I don’t know if my moms […]

  22. peter berg Says:

    cool video, i think it definitely proves your point.

  23. Lamont Ruschmann Says:

    nice. Thank you

  24. Tonia Pelosi Says:

    Encontré tu blog por pura casualidad. Muy bueno. Suerte!

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