Oh man I don’t give a fuck about the holidays. Christmas is worthless jesus shit for kids, thanksgiving is a celebration of bullshit too. This time of year just sucks because my tv wants to sell me on snowglobes full of lies. The only thing I actually like about the holidays is fucking Tamale Day, it’s the best shit in the world. I don’t know how you can go wrong with it. Get your friends together, a lot of beer, masa and multiple tubs of pork fat. How can that not be a success?
This is the 5th tamale day we’ve done and I think we’ve got the game on lock right now. Really if you’re trying to fuck with my tamale skills you’re gonna get served like the bitch you are. This year we had some ridiculous shit going down too.
Once again I did a beef filling this year, Elias handled his red pork, Lydia did her citrus pork and Miro came through with the chile verde chicken. Swayzee brought his sweet potato and black bean filling which is probably the best thing we’ve done for veggie tamales. Miro also brought his sauces again this year which was nice, those were missing last year due to his monthly colds. This year we decided to experiment a little so Lydia came up with the idea to flavor some masa with smoked jalapenos and bacon then use pepper jack cheese as the filling. Those joints were crazy delicious. Straight up amazing.
I had an idea to fuck with some chicharron tamales, it was kind of scary. I figured that all the steaming would break down the chicharron and make it super tender. I still wanted to pair it with something and when I remembered I had some smoked gouda chilling in my fridge I decided that it was gonna be on as fuck. When we pulled them out of the steamer and I knew I was fucking brilliant for making that move, those joints were my favorite ones. With some of miro’s pipian sauce the shit as game over. I should have gotten some photos of them but by the time I thought to grab my camera they were all eaten. Next year I’ll have to make more.
This year we used Elias’ house for the festivities again. His stove is weak as fuck but there is enough room in the kitchen to have a productive assembly line. This also allows us to yell and abuse all the non latinos who are being forced to roll tamales. Man if you are ever thinking of making tamale and are looking for video footage to learn how to roll do not look at anything on youtube. That shit is straight up garbage. I checked it because we wanted to prep all these rookies on proper technique but that shit is an insult to tamale rolling. Fucking half ass Chicanas rolling bitch ass cigarillo looking tamales or fucking bullshit spreads. The worst though was this dumb ass white lady rolling this foul ass bullshit in ALUMINUM FOIL!! COME ON BITCH GET LEARNED! I understand central america loves banana leaves and I’ll even let that bama ass parchment paper tamale bastardization bullshit fly but a fucking tostada wrapped in aluminum foil is not a goddamn tamale.
Seriously, fuck that bullshit.
Anyways this year we even had people djing. Considering how many of my friends are djs it just made sense. Gpek set up his turntables and anyone who wanted to play could. Gpek, Stef, Dj Fat Mexican, Matthew Africa and B.Cause all got down. B.cause even did an all Willie D set as per Elias’ request. I don’t know about you but hearing Balded Headed Hoes and drinking shit tons of Negro Modelo really gives me that holiday cheer.
I don’t know what our final count was this year but we were really productive and I estimate that we made at least 300 tamales. Everyone got to take some home which is always nice.
Towards the end of the night things got a little maney. Almost everyone had left and we were just hanging out and drinking when someone asked me what the big white cooking appliance on the counter was. I informed them that it was my deep fryer (I brought it so Lydia could make some sopas). It was at that point that I just yelled “lets deep fry some tamales.” So I grabbed one of Swayze’s sweet potato joints and tossed that shit in.
This was easily on of the best ideas I’ve ever had. Especially with the sweet potato and black bean tamales. If you’ve ever had sweet potato fries you know how awesome those can be. This was basically a crispy corn dough surrounding delicious fried sweet potato bits. Shit was brilliant.
After that though we kind of started throwing everything in there. Elias brought out a can of cookie dough so naturally that went in the fryer. I know this sounds brilliant but the reality is that the cookie dough doesn’t hold up in the fryer. It fucking disintegrated when it hit the oil. So we had a ball of fried dough surrounded by a lake of fried batter and melted chocolate.
Because we couldn’t eat a fried cookie, I grabbed some bunuelitos and scooped some up and ate it. That shit was unbelievably good. Then Elias broke out some vanilla ice cream and just took it to a whole different level of delicious. That shit could have been the best thing I’ve ever eaten. Just think about it, a chip of fried masa covered in cinnimon and suger syrup topped with deep fried chocolate chips and then topped with vanilla ice cream. dude. it was the shit.
I didn’t get a photo of it with ice cream but whatever that’s just a taste. We followed that up by deep frying a serrano chile because at that point my friend Kyle just wanted to fry anything he saw. I didn’t have any of that action because I needed some sanity. That didn’t last too long though because Elias broke out the Rum Balls Eddie K brought and because we never do anything smart it was decided that those would also go in the deep fryer also. I have never experienced anything quite like eating a deep fried ball of liquor.
Deep Fried Rum Ball with Vanilla Ice Cream on top. FUCK!
at some point I needed chiles so I asked Alan to go to the store. He went to the wrong store and came back with moldy fucking jalapenos. thanks alan.
chicharon and smoked gouda
Elias and bacon jalapeno masa
On some Town shit