Pork Chop and Apple Pie Sandwiches

by

all

Years ago when Sarah and I were dating I was invited to her Dad’s house for Christmas dinner.  He and his 3rd or 4th wife (I forget) cooked a pork loin on their rotisserie way too long and that fucking thing was like eating sawdust.  Luckily there was some applesauce on the table so I dipped a cut of my pork loin in there before every bite.  I looked around and it seemed to catch on because nobody was saying shit except asking people to “pass the applesauce”.

So here I took the classic pork and apples to another level by making a sandwich using pan-seared, thin cut pork chops seasoned with salt, black pepper and minced rosemary- the buns consisted of assorted apple pastries.

1) Pork Chop and Caramel Empanada from Taco Bell

empanada

  • First impression: Hello caramel.
  • Taste: Lots of caramel upfront, then apple and the pork took the backseat on this one.
  • Texture:  It was a bit too crumbly for me.

2) Pork Chop and Baked Apple Pie from McDonald’s 

mcd

  • First impression: Now this is a good pie.
  • Taste: These pies are seasoned so well that it was hard for the pork to make a presence.  The balance was def not on the pork chops side though.
  • Texture: Much better than the empanada.  When I was deciding which pastries to use for this experiment I had in my mind that McDonald’s still fried these hoes up so I was a little disappointed to learn that they are now baked.  When at the drive thru I saw double quarter pounders and double filet-o-fish sandwiches on the menu so it’s obvious they are lightening up the menu a bit.

3) Pork Chop and Apple Toaster Strudels

theshiznit

  • First impression: Holy fuck. You have to try this.
  • Taste: This.  Is.  Amazing.  Could probably use bacon.
  • Texture: PERFECT. Super flaky and a little crunchy from the toast action.

4) Pork Chop and Apple Danishes

doubledanish3

  • First impression: This thing has an unwieldy presence.  It’s looks really fucking tough and pissed off.  It’s statuesque.  I picked it up and imagined myself dislocating my jaw just to take a bite.  We had to cut the danish portion down to just one pastry and slice it in half (see below).

Before:

danish2hand

After: (as if you can tell that I cut this shit, whatever)

danish11

  • Taste: The danish sucked on it’s own, probably because it was sitting in that display case all day and by 9 P.M. who the fuck is buying danishes anymore except idiots like myself?
  • Texture: The first bite was all flaky pastry and no apple cause that shit is sitting in the middle.  I scooted some of the apple onto the edge, took a bite and then spit it out.  That danish ruined a perfectly good pork chop.

5) Pork Cutlet (cubed) and Hostess Apple Pie

hostess

  • First impression: We went with a cubed pork cutlet here due to fear that the pie would just crumble during the first bite.  
  • Taste: Sarah described it best with one word, “chemically”.  It was just off.
  • Texture: Way too soft, kinda like my theory of using a cubed pork cutlet.  We should’ve manned up and went with the pork chop on this one.

6) Pork Chop and Apple Turnover

danish

  • First impression: This is going to suck.  All the apple filling ended up on the bottom portion of the turnover.
  • Taste: It sucked.
  • Texture: It was super dry, again probably because of it sitting in the display case all day.  The first and only bite of this was fucking horrendous and made me imagine this is probably what it’s like to suck sawdust through a straw or even sit through another Christmas dinner at Sarah’s Dad’s house.
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25 Responses to “Pork Chop and Apple Pie Sandwiches”

  1. Richardy Says:

    Well done, MFG! They actually all look pretty appetizing to me (the danish looks incredible, sad to hear it doesn’t excel in the taste department). You say the flavor of the McDonald’s pie was overwhelming, but did it at least work well with the pork? Perhaps two chops would do the trick?

  2. MF Grocery Says:

    Yeah, the McD’s sandwich needed a little more pork but the pie probably couldn’t take it.

  3. JT Says:

    Dude, why you gettin stale food stuffs out of display cases? There is an Arby’s right across from work that could’ve probably hooked it up with an at least semi-fresh apple turnover.

  4. Sandy Says:

    okay, the 1st paragraph cracked me up…I remember that Christmas well…yikes.

  5. Hillary Says:

    Glad to see the crazy shit is back. This is going to wind up on “thisiswhyyourefat.com!”
    LOVE IT!

  6. CeePee Says:

    The make double filet o fishes?
    that sounds fucking nasty, like a recipe for salmonella.
    Kudos on the mixture of sweet, savory and pastry (not to mention the unconventional ingredients).

  7. Dan F Says:

    “Could probably use bacon”
    Dude. *Everything* could use bacon 🙂

    Seriously though, fucking awesome post. This is some crazy shit. Crazy and believable. I’m totally getting the “what if we…” thought process behind putting magical pig products between two hunks of apple loaded pastry. Rock the fuck on!

  8. pork chop & apple pie sandwiches « martinis, bikinis, and lamborghinis. Says:

    […] http://groceryeats.com/2009/03/10/pork-chop-sandwiches/#more-492 […]

  9. Tracy Says:

    “When I was deciding which pastries to use for this experiment I had in my mind that McDonald’s still fried these hoes up so I was a little disappointed to learn that they are now baked. When at the drive thru I saw double quarter pounders and double filet-o-fish sandwiches on the menu so it’s obvious they are lightening up the menu a bit.”

    Yes! Of all the things McDonald’s wants to lighten up, they start with the pies?

    Did everything have that weird waxy aftertaste? I always regret eating commercial pastries because of that aftertaste.

  10. Richardy Says:

    The Double Filet-O-Fish got me thinking.

    What goes well enough with fish to warrant a BigMacChicken-style heartstopper? Now *that* would be pretty unbelievable, and it would also probably taste like asshole.

    Maybe some hashbrowns…

  11. MF Grocery Says:

    Get there right when they are switching to lunch service (10:30am) and order a few of their steak and egg bagels and stack with filet-o-fish patties for the ultimate surf and turf, minus the eggs.

    This sounds great in theory but forreal this would probably suck and be a wet, shitty sandwich. I’ve seen others do surf and turfs with hamburger patties but not with steak (from a fast food jernt) so that would be cool.

    Sometime last year I did something similar with breakfast/lunch menu items by adding an egg off the egg McMuffin to a Big Mac and it was a huge letdown, nothing to blog about much like half of my other posts.

  12. shortzilla Says:

    I think it would be wet and shitty. Back when they came out w/those bagel breakfast sandwiches (and before I knew any better) i thought them shits was bangin’. Except for the fact that watery grease would run down my arm every time i took a bite. Pair that up with fried fish filets and the too-chewiness of the bagel…urgh. Too leaky/soaky wet for me. Aquarium sandwich.

  13. Sweet Baby Says:

    The toaster strudel brings back memories from Jr. High… Getting ready in the morning and squeezing out every last bit o’ sweetness from that big-as-your-thumb icing packet – because there was one for each strudel. I actually ripped the packet open and licked the plastic clean. How about using the hash-browns in place of the bun for a Big Mac, or in place of the patties, or the use the syrup flavored McGriddle buns in place of standard buns?
    Damn, now I need to go buy some toaster strudels….

  14. CeePee Says:

    Sorry to keep coming back to McDonalds (as this post is deserving of many comments) but theyve got steak and egg bagels at McDonalds?

    Shit, next youre going to tell me theyve got foie gras or fucking blood sausage (ok thats a stretch but still, McDonalds steak, right?!)

    Jesus christ McDonalds is cornering the market on everything in the US arent they?

    and Yeah, Fish Fillets are really shitty to begin with, you dont wanna mix with anything else as its shittyness will surely spread (its like adding paste to anything, not good to eat in the first place)

  15. CeePee Says:

    just came to mind for a new McDonalds breakfast:

    McLox and cream cheese

    Its gonna happen as soon as the economys back up and running

  16. CeePee Says:

    Oh yeah, i dunno if you cats already know about this but

    PS an entry on strange McDonalds meals elsewhere (whether regional or other countries would be dope, remember McDonalds Pizza? How the fuck was that fast food?)

  17. MF Grocery Says:

    McDLT was the shit. Hot side hot, cold side cold.

  18. Bobby Says:

    hahahahah, oh shit man this is buck

  19. MIKE 2600 Says:

    Incredible. I can’t believe how thorough this is. I gotta try the apple strudel one!

  20. CeePee Says:

    yes dude
    McDLT forgot about that shit.
    Lettuce, Tomato and What the fuck was the D?

  21. Long Balls Says:

    MFG – You mighta probably cut that dryness (like on the last one and what not) with a proper dipping sauce. Like a chocolate fucking milkshake or some shit like that.

  22. Robert Ashley Says:

    I’m just trying to contact the authors of this blog. I’d like to interview you for a story I’m writing for Gourmet.com about the recent explosion in popularity of indulgent, bizarre, enormous, or otherwise gross foods (see sites like This is Why You’re Fat). Pork Chop and Apple Pie sandwiches are one of the more interesting things I’ve found (also the deep friend White Castle burgers posted elsewhere here). I’m on a tight deadline, so if you’re interested hit me back at my submitted e-mail address. We’d need to talk in the next 2-3 days. Thanks. –Robert

  23. Mags Says:

    I’m just impressed at how well you did the icing swirl on the Toaster Streudel. Mine never looked like that.

  24. feerlessfood Says:

    Who cares if the taste sucks–the concept is incredible. My applause.

  25. Craving: Pork Chop Apple Danish Sandwich | FOODBEAST - Because we're hungry. Says:

    […] Pork chop sitting between two apple danishes. Get, out, of, my, hooouusssse. Looks absolutely scrumptious! (PicThx GroceryEats) […]

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